JON 3033-45 Very short fiction by H. Millard (c) 2001


While everyone else in the classroom was distracted with other work, I opened the book I had bought at a used book store and began reading.

"I know you've read different versions of our history, but bear with me, dear reader. My name is Jon 3033-45. You can tell from my name that I've been around long enough so that the oral tradition passed down to me as a youth wasn't too many generations from the Beginning. Anyway, here's the way it was told to me by my grandfather, Jon 241-45. Jon 241-45, was a hard working, bare fisted, salt of the Earth type and what you're about to read uses many of the terms and expressions he used when he told me this history. I offer it to you with no claims to accuracy, but simply as the way I heard it.

Dog Poop GeorgeBack in 2001, that lying sack of dog poop--that human--George Bush, the pretender to the presidency of the former country known as the United States of America, but which you now know as Mexico Norte, did a bunch of stupid evil things, and some of them backfired. One of the things he did was allow mad scientists to use tax payer money to torture the Sixty Ancestor Stem Cell Lines. However, evil to one species is often good for another species and that's why some honor Dog Poop George as the creator of our species.

clonesYou see, there was a screwup and one of our ancestors from Stem Cell Line # 45 was stolen from the laboratory. Then his genetic material was changed and he was allowed to grow into a human being. That Stem Cell was our ancestor/ourself, Jon 1-45. Jon 1-45 was able to mate with his clone, Jane 1-45, whose genetic material had been manipulated to make a female version of Jon 1-45. We've been reproducing sexually and non-sexually ever since, and our numbers are growing. As you know, all the other 59 Ancestor Stem Cell Lines died off long ago.

We Stemers are the inheritors of the Earth. We're not exactly human. We're more than human. And, just as humans used us for experiments and killed us with impunity, we now use humans for experiments and we kill them with impunity. Actually, as you know, we don't really do much experimenting with them except in the kitchen. Yeah. We eat them, of course. Our ancestors discovered that human flesh is very palatable to us, and it's easy to get because we blend in with humans pretty easily. Oh, as we all know, there are some differences between us and humans. The main one, of course, is that we sunburn really easily, because humanoidswe're white skinned and most of the rest of the humanoids are now dark skinned. That's why we use dark sunscreen makeup during the day and why we try to stay out of the sun and mostly hunt at night, and things like that, but we easily pass as humans. The other thing, of course, is the fact that we all look alike. However, most people wouldn't notice this unless they saw several of us together in a room, and then only if we were dressed alike. Mostly,also as you know, we try to avoid that, lest we be spotted.

Anyway, we long ago learned that we're smarter, faster and less restrained by ethics--would you believe that? than humans. Don't pity the humans though, it's just the order of things that they would eventually be replaced. They just didn't think that they'd build their own replacements. Anyway, this is our planet. We own all that is on it. Every human we eat is our property, because every human is our property, and by extension, the property they think they own is also our property.

bon appetit!We could raise cattle or other animals and eat them if we wanted to, but why bother? Besides, if we ate cattle; admittedly a disgusting thought, then there'd be fewer cattle for the humans to eat to fatten themselves up. Also it's a scientific fact that we need to eat human DNA and human melanin to stay healthy. The reason we survived and the other 59 Ancestor Stem Cell Lines died off is bcause we, in Stem Cell Line 45, learned about our need to eat human DNA and human melanin, and the others didn't. Also, even if we could develop satisfactory artificial human DNA and artificial human melanin, so that we didn't have to eat humans and we started eating cattle, we'd then have to go against our natures and become like the humans and spend our lives working to make things. Cattle just don't have any possessions we can take. We'd also have to work hard to feed and take care of the cattle before we could eat them. Humans, on the other hand, are semi-sentient and they take care of themselves. They feed themselves and often get deliciously fat by eating other animals and plants. It's a food chain thing, and we Stemers are at the top. So long as we leave enough dark, melanin rich humans on the planet, we'll continue to expand our numbers and, of course, they'll keep inventing and building new things, that we can take and use.

Homo ParasitumIt's not clear when we made the leap to new specieshood, but now there's no doubt that we are a new species--Homo Parasitum. Of course, we don't want to kill off all the humans, because they are our necessary food, but we also need to keep them under control as much as possible. I know you've heard of the experiments where some of our ancestors tried to pen humans up like cattle in order to control them, and I know you're read about what a failure that was. They got despondent and they wouldn't work, except at the most menial jobs. That's when it was decided to let them roam free on the planet and to let them think that they were at the top of the food chain. It wasn't hard to keep them believing that, because while they're stupid they're also an arrogant and easily controlled species.

dead Mexico-NorteanOver the years, we've separated more and more from the humans in many ways. Most of the humans in Mexico Norte now only speak Spanish, so they can't understand us when we speak to each other in English, and this helps us keep our ways secret from them. Now, we have our own homeland, and the stupid humans think that we're just another nation. A few of them have guessed that we're a different species, but we can usually find those and eat them before they spread the word too far."

"What are you reading Jon FiveBillion-45?" asked my much too stern teacher. "Just this book about us," I replied. "Let me see that, please," she said. "Jon FiveBillion-45, you know this isn't the authorized version. This one tends to elevate humans almost to our level. They're just animals. They don't have free will, and the things they do and build are a result of their instincts. They're like ants. Just as ants are programmed by the Creator to build certain kinds of ant hills and to act in certain ways, so it is with the humans. They're just programed by the Creator to build things and to think that they have free will. This unauthorized version of our history makes it sound as though humans are almost Homo Parasitum, and they're not. They are a crude and lowly animal form that cannibal kidkills its own kind in the womb. They're just animals, put here by the Creator to serve us and be our food. Don't read this nonsense anymore." "I'm sorry, it won't happen again teacher." "It better not. If I catch you reading that thing again, I won't let you go to Mexico Norte for the human hunt and feast this summer with the rest of the three year olds."

The End
#    #    #