(closed Mexican movie theater)
by H. Millard (c) 2004
H. Millard index

After the film A Day Without Mexicans came out, Mexicans became convinced that they were so necessary to the success, the health, and the welfare of the United States that all of them decided to make a real statement and show just how indispensable they are.

So, they packed up lock stock and barrel and then moved back to Mexico en masse where they planned to wait for Americans to beg them to come back and save the U.S. Of course, they had a little problem crossing the border into Mexico since that country was happy that most of them had left and were busy mooching off the U.S. taxpayers instead of off their fellow Mexicans. However, since most were citizens of Mexico, they did get back in to that country. Once there, they figured it'd be a matter of days before the U.S. would beg them to come back. Maybe a week at most. Then, once the U.S. begged them to come back, the Mexicans figured that they've have tremendous leverage to demand U.S. driver's licenses, cheap college tuition, the right to vote in our elections and more.

Well, it's been about a year now and the U.S. hasn't begged them to come back. And, what horrible things have befallen the U.S. without the Mexicans?

--Average student scores at public schools all across this nation have risen to the pre-Mexican invasion levels we were once used to seeing.

--Public schools class sizes have dropped, and taxpayers don't have to open more schools for Mexicans.

--Violent crime rates have dropped to record lows.

--Automobile traffic has dropped to comfortable levels.

--There is less air pollution as old cars driven by Mexicans are no longer on the roads.

--We have virtually full employment at good wages as businesses compete for workers.

--We can understand the people at the drive-thru windows of fast food restaurants and we get what we ordered.

--Hospital emergency rooms now help save citizen lives again, instead of dispensing free aspirins and stomach medicine to Mexicans who bought food at unclean human powered pushcarts (that's shopping cart, to you).

--The citizen birthrate has started climbing as the collective citizen subconscious sends signals that we're no longer overcrowded and that we need more people.

--Median incomes have risen.

--The California state budget is balanced and on time.

--Insurance costs have gone down.

---Social service offices have closed.

--Graffiti is gone.

--Neighborhoods aren't overcrowded.

--Police departments have laid off police officers.

--Jails are closing.

--The U.S. has beaten Denmark as the best place in the world in which to live.

--Freeway accidents are at an all time low.

--Drive by shootings have stopped.

--There are no loitering day workers in the cities.

--Citizen kids can now get jobs at fast food restaurants.

--Obesity levels drop as citizens mow their own lawns, paint their own homes and work on their own cars.

--Gang problems are rare.

--President Bush has started pandering to blacks again.

--Government printing costs have gone down since all documents can be printed just in English.

--Human powered push carts selling unclean food are gone from our streets.

--The number of pedestrians hit by cars has fallen.

--The number of drunk driving related automobile accidents has fallen.

--The teen pregnancy rate has fallen.

--Boom box manufacturers have gone out of business.

--Supermarkets have stopped having their shopping carts stolen.

--Third World diseases such as TB are now gone from the U.S.

--Charity bosses who made small fortunes off illegal aliens have to find real jobs.

--The neurotic Great White Mothers and Great White Fathers are now traveling to the Third World to try to put meaning into their meaningless lives instead of mothering and fathering the Third World here in the U.S.

Keep waiting amigos and amigas, America is sure to call you any year now. Oh, it's probably not a good idea to hold your breath.

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